I woke up, barely could open my eyes, it was 6:30 am. The newspaper and milk were at the door. Like always i counted number of days left for a weekend and started getting ready for work. It had started raining heavily when i reached work. I knew inexplicably, it was not going to be a busy day.
Like a regular day at work, i had checked and deleted the un-necessary e-mails. All the reports and status updates were in place. Soon, I was bored. Rather, the weather was making yawning obvious. The cloths, the light, and the sky were dull. The greens were still looking bold against the dark clouds. Everyone were quiet, not sure what were they doing staring at the computer screen. I plugged in the iPad and started installing i-tunes. Wished i could do a teleporting from my home pc – that would have been faster – consuming less bandwidth. The install was going to take 1 hour. With unnecessary realizations i was procrastinating – usually i don’t.
May be I am not sleeping sufficient and the brain cells seems far more active – reactive. Unusual – the more it exerts, the more it stays alert, deffering a suspended situation. There are regrets. Repenting the simple things i avoided, preserved for later. Bought several things, expensive pieces, planned extensively – many things, excused myself from experiencing emotions, skipped festivals and occasions, refrained participation, refrained involvement in days and moments, may be i wanted everything perfect.
It is not candid but i certainly proclaim that i refrained my involvement in all the daily events thinking – i will enjoy these later. Little that i know, i had intentionally denied and refused to show any reaction – i had saved it for later and that later never came.