Everyday I wake up thinking – what is the most important task for today, what will definitely bother me, what is a one good thing waiting for me or what I do not want to do. Slowly as I woke up I have a realization about the facts. I sit on a bed for a while believing everything is fine and I just had a bad – a very bad nightmare.
If things would have been so simple then our lives were not so complicated. And i would have slept peacefully. Sometimes I force myself to believe that i am just having a bad dream. But it stays for a prolonged time – till it really becomes a reality. And I cannot do anymore than accept it, holding on a tight grip to the reality.
I try and try to find out ways to deal with the situation. Find out how will my close friend, a relative, a colleague react to such situation. I am also happy imitating the coping methods of others if that helps me. Is there some secretive method of handling a situation, may be others are using a special technique that i am not aware of . Support and comforting words fade in sometime just like a sleeping pill, the next morning. Nothing seems robust.
How do you keep the momentum going. Is there a potion for forgetting the pitfalls. Hoping this is also a dream that is going to get over soon, i still continue to search for my own help, peace of mind, my contribution – who else can understand and solve it better, without me.
It is a burden, heavy on the heart, a feeling that never fades but compels me to vent my frustration. Helpless, lowering spirits, sinking beliefs, annoying disturbances, a state of inflammation. I want to send it back, I don’t intend to keep it along, I hate this feeling – someday this will be removed and gone completely and till that day, I am writing, re-writing and adding posts – I will just be right here. May be someday i will arrive to my conclusions.