“The part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. “
– The Pursuit of Happyness
This is the first time in my life, I am not being futuristic. That’s scary for many, including me, but I choose to adopt it. This is exactly what is shaking me and driving me. I have no idea where I’m going with this new way of life but I choose to go for the moment anyway. Being carefree and ignorant.
I have spent my entire life living in future: doing a lot of analysis about everything and for an instance I want to discontinue. Only admire in the smallest things because the bigger ones could not put a smile on my face. I have had a good life, amazing friends, wonderful opportunities. I’ve been blessed, really. But here is something I can’t identify that is stopping my free spirit.
Drop by drop, I have always allowed others to add fear in me. Never did I managed to say No for anything. I thought critics encouraged me and to some extent this is true. There are some questions that even those who love me the most will ask, unintentionally that will cast a shadow of doubt over my inner dreams: “But what happens if…?”, “Have you thought about…?”, “You’re willing to give ___ up?” The list goes on.
I clarify my idiosyncrasies. Cannot help if I am made in this way. I will never be able to decline, refuse or over power any one’s word. I don’t even remember if I have ever sweared. Not in my darkest of times. Because I can’t and I don’t want to. Because I know it will not be right. These are my regulations and I adhere to them.
I may have a good job but I am not about to define myself by my employment. I am more than that. It’s time to think about today and what makes me happy in the now. I do have a good head on my shoulders. No, I’m talking about living life the way I want to live it – with possibilities and hopes or expectations. I am talking about forgetting these “why’s” hovering on my mind by answering “why not’s?” from today.
I was watching Kung Fu Panda the other day and I remember Oogway saying “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. And that’s why it is called a present.” I took time understanding the fact that happiness is just the state of the mind. It’s the brain playing pranks with you and that you need to fool it.
I hope I start living in this moment. I’ve been doing this since I came back. Indulging a lot in different activities. The last time I recall having so much fun in life was in the summer of 1999. A decade has gone by since. This is not how I wish to live my life: having a great 2-3 months every 10 years. Failed relationships have taught me to get strong and move on. Playing the victim does not serve anyone.
If you are not fully happy, it’s only up to you to get up and do something about it. Destiny, Luck are only the supportive systems. We all are here for a purpose and drive the ways until you serve it. If you fail, strive hard to fulfil your purpose of existence. Nothing comes to you directly. It is out there – somewhere and you need to search for it.