So the moment November arrived, I had started singing the lyrics of Guns & Roses knowing there will be a November Rain soon. This is a comforting clairvoyance. Felt like things and people will keep exiting the life for seemingly no reason and only because they will be there for just a season. No sooner the season had changed, air had started getting colder and the play-list had changed. After-all, these are going to be fun-filled festive months of celebration requiring good new tunes.
Smoke in the air. That’s what the sky looked like. The sun was even grim at 8. The Father of the Bride II was rolling and it complimented the warm buttery pop-corns, just right. Laughing, giggling and loving every bit of a daddy-daughter time. Yet procrastinating and it felt good.
Losing someone you love because he died or losing someone you lose because he does not want to be with you. I don’t know which is worse. And when someone prefers not to be with you, there is nothing you can do with it. Every little detail of my life has made me what I am. And I am sure there is still more to it.
While everyone is looking forward to a much-anticipated Christmas time, I continue to plan my getaway. To remember and re-live the good old days of life. Might I will write those in the forth coming weeks. As I read, what I wrote in those days of self discovery and it scared me. Self discovery was a conscious process, a thought that happened every day, a time that occurred everyday when I sorted the emotions and the feelings and I could match some and leave the others as abstract.
How much have I changed since I was that girl in a new city, discovering new things and new people? I have faded much since then and gotten cynical. I do not trust people any more, it seems I keep expecting them to fail me and I keep setting high expectations for the world. May all of us have gotten used to the disappointments.
But I still find that there are things that have not changed. The moments of fun, those moments of living, the moments of sobriety. Now, I try to find people who fit into that scheme of things rather than just fly and enjoy the experience of meeting such a varied crowd. There is too much hate in the world, too much money and not enough of it either. But I have a belief. So I keep saying once what my mom told me that – The world continues to exist only due to the presence of good people. Some might pull down the thought saying, it is only optimism. Comforting, nevertheless.
I have grown more open and more closed. I read my old thoughts and I realized they were brief but they were true. Have I lost the ability to speak the truth or have I just learnt to shield it in varied ways. Such that only a few learn the truth if they know what to read? The ambiguity still lives on in me.
These are just the lessons learned.
So never mind the darkness, we still can find a way,
Because nothing’ lasts forever even cold November rain.
– Guns & Roses