I have been starving, feeling lifeless and sleeping less. The past days have been terrific, tiresome and unimaginable. I had planned to go out today and watch the sunset in the fields near-by but I completely missed that. Some reasons, everything felt terrible and looked colorless.
The mindful efforts seemed to be in vain, all the preaching and self-healing was a waste. A strong armored shield around me was refusing every bit of sensefulness. I had realized that I didn’t seem to fit the mold of everyone else around, I had tried desperately, and most of the time unsuccessfully, to fit in. To belong. To be one of the crowd.
I think I have been focusing on everything but myself from quite a long time. Not sure what happened to the old belief of self-indulgence, the Carrie Bradshaw theories, the love and the labels. On the same lines, Samantha Jones character in Sex and the city brings a lot of sense currently in me. When she realizes that she isn’t the same strong, independent woman she had been before and that she has lost her spunk in finding her significant half, she stops the expedition in order to get herself back. This self obsession and belief reminds me of her all time famous quote –
“I’m gonna say the one thing you aren’t supposed to say. I love you… but I love me more. I’ve been in a relationship with myself for 49 years and that’s the one I need to work on.”
As shown in movies, it is usually at the end our heroine replaces her beige pumps with fuchsia stilettos, rips off the mask of ordinary self and her extraordinary talent marks a win. Anna Hathaway in Princess Diaries, Carrie Bradshaw in Sex & the City, Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde and many more Miss Fits realized that while the crowd preferred they do not deviate from the script of mediocrity, they were born to live Oscar-worthy lives. Remember, by just themselves.May be the reason I couldn’t blend in is because I was born to stand out. May be because I was born to mark greatness, to initiate a trail of fabulousness where there was nothing but mediocrity. Seeing me sitting alone, people might think, “Whats wrong with her” May be they should be thinking, “Whats right with her?” and ” How did she get so strong?” Because in my humble intentions I don’t deserve the condemnation but admiration and it takes Guts to be by oneself without reservations, to rock your truth with no apologies and to wear the boldest shade of red in the grim sea of gray.
Let me be not from the same pack or be a misfit. Let me be neurotic, messy, stubborn and opinionated. Let me think so far outside the box that the box doesn’t even exist anymore. But I am going to celebrate myself. Even if it’s just a party for one. Because believe me, sometimes a reservation-of-one is far better than twice the fun. So let them stare while you dazzle in your sunshine. You need to just firmly believe that greatness is near!
Good Night Folks.
Be bold enough to dance to the song that only your heart can hear and pretty soon you will look around and discover that you are one misfit that was bold enough to write a greatest hit. – Anonymous